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5月26日 Computer GetAs you may have heard, I have an awesome new computer.
With a hell of a lot of research into what I wanted, what tech was up and coming, and the stuff that was old and lame (floppy drives), I chose these parts.
I read loads of reviews and watched as many videos as I could find.
You see, it was necessary that I build this thing myself. The last machine had parts selected for me by a friend of mine; he also built the thing.
It didn't seem so hard. The most difficult phase of the operation is the power connections, and even then, everything is color-coded and labeled.
And even if you're color blind or.. just regular blind, pretty much every device uses a different connector.
Moving on, when I arrived at the store to order these parts, I had a huge chunk of money in hand. When it was all ready to be paid for, I handed over two grand to the employee helping me. He told me that it was the largest wad of money he'd ever handled directly at one time.
Also, seeing as I was getting a board with tri-SLI (that's three graphics card slots for NVidia brand motherboards, FYI (that's "For Your Information", FYI)), he made sure to check with me earlier on that I was only getting a single 8800 GT. He seemed rather flabbergasted, I must say.
I told him what I'll tell you folks now: my plan is to step it up later on when more awesome cards come out. I'm hearing buzz about some "GT200 architecture" or something.
So I picked up everything right then and there.
Except for one piece.
The processor! The one I wanted was a special order, as it's fairly new-ish. A little hard to get it seems, from what I read after I ordered the damn thing.
I had to sleep in my bedroom surrounded by all these awesome computer components for like two and a half weeks before receiving the notice that my processor was available at a post office a block away.
I paid ten bucks shipping on that thing and they didn't even try. Stupid Canada Post.
But whatever. We're here now.
Let the party begin!
 So here we have all the parts we'll be using. Well... most of them.
Not shown -- the case (huge), processor (it came in an anti-static baggie), speakers, and monitor.
I'd already been using the mouse and keyboard for some time.
Actually, same for the monitor.
 Fumbling my way through the mildly intimidating small box of spare parts that came with the case, I located a set of wheels.
I put those bitches on right away. Now all I need is a steering wheel and horn and then I can drive my computer to work.
 Ah, very good. A removable motherboard tray. Rodney Reynolds would be proud.
 With the motherboard mounted, it is now time for that damned processor I waited over two weeks for.
 But OH! YOU DON'T GET TO SEE IT.
Why? Because I went to lunch; when I came back, I forgot I was taking pictures. By the time I remembered, the heatsink was already on there.
This particular heatsink was extremely easy to mount. Just clips right in, like Lego. Also, it comes with thermal paste preapplied. I think it was called MX2, but I can't remember now.
On another note, please look at that huge heatsink surrounding the processor slot. That came with the motherboard. Do people's processors really run that hot while gaming? I'm assuming since this board comes with tri-SLI and enthusiast BIOS options that it was intended for gaming, so...
I dunno. Might be to keep it cool for ambient temperature increase caused by having THREE GODDAMN CARDS in there.
Whatever. Anyways...
 The power supply, even as large as it was, slid right in with no problems.
Sorry if that sounded sexual.
 The CD drive is mounted without incident. The installation has been pretty normal so far.
 Just down below, I pop off three front plates and slide out the hard drive holding thing. Yes, that is a fan on there. Came with the case.
This little box was really difficult to slide out, and for good reason. There are two plates on the side meant to absorb a couple hundred pounds of direct force. Or something like that.
 Sorry for blurry picture. You won't believe how many pictures I had to delete because of smudgy crap all over the lens.
Never let a baby play with your $250+ digital camera.
In any case, the hard drive is in. It goes back in its place no problemo.
 Another piece a little like Lego, my 120mm fans snap right in to these fan slots on the case's side door.
 Here we have the sound card installed in a bad spot given the size of the graphics card. I would later move it to a slot further away.
Oh, hey. Look. My knee.
That's just lovely.
 Now to free up the power cables for conne-- OH GOD THERE ARE LIKE FIVE MILLION WHAT THE HELL DO I DO
 OH GOD IT ACTUALLY WORKS I DID IT RIGHT WHAT THE HELL DO I DO
 OH GOD I'M... oh, just formatting. I've done this before a few times.
Please note that this took forever. I think I watched the full run of Spiderman 3 on TV while it formatted.
 Just a little longer.
 Temperatures are nominal, Captain.
 Suddenly, speakers all over my desk. And note the size of my penis. I mean my monitor.
 Meanwhile, in the other room, my old computer plots revenge.
But actually, I now use that machine entirely for my music making stuff. Sure, I still have all my old games installed on there, and it is still a decent computer, but I just don't have much use for it other than for music.
Please note that my mouse pad (bottom left) is the processor shipping box.
For a short time, I simply could not get the internet to work.
Then I remembered that power cycling the modem mostly fixed every network issue I've ever had.
 And there we go.
Since I'd not done this before, it took me about a day's work. The main issue was in getting the power connections all set up; now that I've done it once, it'll surely be much quicker next time.
But that'll be a few years.
I hope.
For a review on my monitor, check out what I wrote on the store's site.
As for everything else, I can't say the graphics card allows me to max everything out, but it is a hell of an improvement over my 6800 GS.
The G5 mouse is a great step forward over the basic one I'd been using for years.
The G15 keyboard is also quite nice; it took time, but I've finally gotten used to how hard you need to press the keys (they're not very sensitive).
The Coolermaster Stacker case is amazing. I can't imagine how difficult this all would have been had I settled on a mid-tower case like I'd planned at the start.
The processor is snappy. Documents and files open instantly, and there have been no stability issues so far.
Not much I can say about the RAM really. No memory errors, unlike my old computer. I'm pleased.
Can't say much about the motherboard either. I don't know from motherboards that well.
The fans are amazing. You can hear them, but the noise is much softer and whiter than on my old machine. Everything is perfectly cool.
Windows XP 64-bit runs just fine. There are a few programs that refuse to be run, and Microsoft did a bit of dicking around with Messenger, but I worked it out.
Power supply is sufficient. That is all I ask.
Zero instability. Zero crashes. Zero lockups. Zero memory errors.
This is fantastic. No major problems.
That's not to say that there aren't any problems or issues at all however.
MINOR PROBLEMS
The holes in the back of the case where your USB ports and graphics cards and stuff stick out -- there is a slight issue with the motherboard being slightly off from where it should be in relation to the back of the case. It is certainly tricky getting the sound card to fit in properly.
In fact, the sound card is out. I could not get it to work. I probably need drivers, but I'll get around to that when I actually have games that require 7.1 surround sound or whatever it offers.
One other issue with the sound card is that the ports are not color coded. There are icons embossed into the metal on the bracket, but they're very difficult to see.
Not sure what I did wrong, but the audio ports on the front of the case do not work. My headset has to go around back.
Windows Live Messenger, as of a recent version, refuses to run on Windows XP 64-bit. There's a way around this of course: downloading the installer directly. Microsoft used their Live updater program to block folks like me, probably to push Vista. Even if that theory is not true, it is still a real dick move on their part.
Not only that, they won't let you update Flash on 64-bit browsers. I really don't see what the hell the difference is...
Some programs are specifically made to refuse to work on 64-bit XP, such as oecake.
That was disappointing.
That's my tale.
I just need a moment to work on those projects I put off, particularly that little (huge) avatar drawing thing.
Too bad work is starting to get going here and I hardly have time between eating, working, sleeping, and Dwarf Fortress.
Nyuk nyuk.
5月5日 Dear CapcomDear Capcom,
Make Megaman Legends 3.
Stop screwing around.
Sincerely,
every single person who played Megaman Legends 1 and 2 4月11日 AlienWanted to sketch out a full-blown scene this time, as I'm not that great with backgrounds.
Mostly though, I just wanted to color something again.
I give you...
ALIEN!
 I think it looks alright. The rock he's on is a bit blotchy, but I still need to learn how to texture and stuff.
That'll be later though.
I can do simple metallic objects quite well now. I learned the basics back when I used to dabble in pixel art sort of stuff.
Makes me wonder about how much I could take back to pixel art now that I've learned so much in regular drawing. Probably won't bother though. I find this much more amusing.
Let's come up with some backstory...
So Earth becomes quite big on the whole space thing. They're out and about in the galaxy, meeting with other civilizations. Many years later, immigration begins, and thus, crossbreeding.
This guy was born of an alien species and human.
Earth is unfortunately obliterated by an unseen force. Probably terrorists. ALIEN terrorists.
In any case, this guy was visiting his alien homeworld. Upon returning to Earth, he finds nothing but floating rubble.
So he sets up camp and grimaces at the stars for awhile.
I... guess these aliens can breathe.. space?
I don't care. I'm too tired to come up with anything better. Or anything more for that matter.
Go to bed.
Okay, see you tomorrow, Gau.
Yeah, see you later.
That guy's a dick.
Yeah, I know. 4月6日 Fightin' ChickLooks like we've got us another girlie to gawk at. C'mere, you!
**BAM**
Awp, my nose. Faaaack!
Well, you know the drill by now.
I drew me up another chick.
She's a scrapper!
 And thar be the color!
 Lovely. Note that I got in a few actual shadows this time, rather than just plain ol' shading.
There's a difference you see.
Though I realize the only reason there would be a difference in my case is my skill level.
Eventually everything will flow together much nicer. But for now, she is as is.
I pictured her on a pirate ship of some kind. She is outed as a female and must now wrestle the entire crew in order to establish her ability as a fighter and sailor.
Or you know, maybe nobody cared a chick came on board, and she's instead fighting the first mate for the last bottle of alcohol; he cheats and stabs her in the arm with a dirty knife. The doctor, who, due to the length of the voyage, has become the manager of the entire ship so as to prevent any losses before they arrive at their destination, demands he use the alcohol to treat the wound.
Ah, yes. And the first mate's buddies drag him to the hold and force-feed him rat droppings for that one.
A day in the life of a bunch of pirates, eh?
Or not. Whatever.
4月2日 Punk ChickSo, I'm doing this massive project on GamingSteve. I'm taking many of the prominent member's avatars and redrawing them in this huge sort of group shot.
There's almost 100 people involved. Anyone I missed that wants in gets added as soon as I can.
I'm coming up with all kinds of interactions and stuff between the characters.
Here are some examples of what I have in there already --
Sephiroth
A beheaded dragon
Will Wright
A robot
The moon from Majora's Mask
Skull Kid
Slartibartfast
Robot Santa
An alien
And many more. And more to be added, even.
What does that all have to do with a punk chick? Well...
See, after stopping those painting studies I did, I slowly lost confidence in my ability to color/paint digitally. I hadn't done it in a long time.
During April Fool's day, I temporarily became Hank Hill. But afterward, I decided I wanted a fresh avatar.
So I colored the face of my avatar from the project I've been doing.
I didn't like the coloring job I did, but it looked... alright. I guess.
I was about to get back to work on sketching for the project, but I decided I wanted an actual painting exercise. To warm myself up for the work I've got ahead of me.
After I do the cleanup and inking on the sketches, I've gotta color them.
So what the hell.
I wanted to paint. That was all well and good, but I needed a picture.
I'd been drawing a lot of female types lately 'cause I normally suck at them. So I went ahead and drew me up a hottie.
 Okay then. Now I needs me some flat colors, something to base the shading from later.
 And now comes the hard part.
Actually, I already did it. There is no now. There is only --
 I still say it's not that amazing, but it's certainly a hell of a lot better than I did before I did them painting studies.
FOR EXAMPLE
Yeah, wut.
3月7日 Studies (third study)The third study has been revealed!
The following took place during sometime on December 17, 2007.
 If you do not know who this man is, kindly go to another restaurant. I don't want your business.
I started to work on this guy. As you know, I'd start with basic color shape blobs and define from there.
I got going on the definitions. All those leather creases and stuff... pretty challenging.
It began to look something like this.
 So I gave up for a day, for obvious reasons. I'd become frustrated in my failure to grasp what seemed so simple.
I didn't bother myself to continue the day after.
Or the day after that.
But then the day after that, probably, I picked it up again. Ended up pausing (stopping) around this point --
 And yeah. It took a long time to do this stuff, as I'm really damn slow.
That last one there was a huge improvement as I slowly came to understand how the creases and lighting worked. It's still a little rough, but if it were complete, you could swear it was the real thing. And you'd all be bowing before me, offering me various forms of pleasure.
However, that was not to be. I did not complete it.
I know, I know. But dry your tears! It wasn't a complete failure. As I've already stated in the past, you learn a lot doing these things whether you realize it or not.
I'll be sure to try something again soon.
Perhaps I'll attempt a vehicle. I can say quite comfortably that I've never successfully drawn a car.
Maybe.
Or maybe I'll do a self portrait. Sure, they're self-centered, but what part of a human's life isn't at all? And besides that, I'll do as I please. Screw you.
Get the hell out of here. 2月26日 HAIRHAIR
 SERIOUS BUSINESS
I shouldn't have to tell you how this came about.
No, it wasn't another fixer upper. This time, it was all me, baby.
But to the point, hair is very serious business. Did you know there are people out there like me who are running short on shampoo and don't have the time to get it?
It's terrible! I will certainly come upon hard times soon.
If I wasn't doing this webcomic stuff around the clock, I estimate I would have about six tons of shampoo available. You know you folks run me pretty ragged... but I don't mind making some sacrifices.
So I say to those of you out there who are perfectly able to take good care of your hair:
DO IT.
It is the most important part of living a good life. You have good hair, you are good person.
Bad hair day? You're a bad person for the whole day! If you don't believe me, just keep an eye on what you're doing throughout the day, take notes on your activities. When you next have a good hair day, read the list. That is way too many dead puppies for anyone's liking, among other atrocities.
But I'm telling you now! Avoid being a bad person altogether, and just take good care of your hair!
I do not look forward to the future.
It frightens me so.
:(
2月21日 A Grand Old Invention IndeedYeah, been doing a bit of drawing for Gaming Steve forums again out of boredom and all.
Made it quite clear to them that they owe me money for these works. They laughed and said, "Good old Gauphastus. Always with the money."
Actually, I realize I'd forgotten something. I remember that what I just mentioned was just a dream.
The monetary demands and the forum members laughing and saying, "Good old Gauphastus. Always with the money." I mean.
But more to the point, we're currently doing a sort of game. Some monster on opium came into the thread and vomited some sort of visual diarrhea on my screen.
I made sure to quickly redraw it. Polishing a turd, so to speak.
Another member came in shortly after and suggested the artists on the site partake in a little game of We'll Upgrade Your Lousy Drawing You Trash.
It's like Eat Poop You Cat, only a lot less funny.
Here's what I did today.
 I make a habit of naming every character I draw. Even if he is based on another man's diarrhea, the revisioning is completely mine.
Not sure if that will hold up in court when the time comes, but it's a good line for the time being. The more I type, the more it looks like I actually cared enough to write up a decent article for the page. Nobody reads this stuff anyway, so I can just say whatever I want. Your mother is so fat that when she redraws an old guy, she eats the paint instead and cannot finish the drawing; she undoubtedly feels bad, and can't go to work due to depression. They fire her, and she can no longer support you.
So you get kicked out because your mom is fat.
Also, his name is Edward Cereal. He is a retired inventor having a surprise birthday party -- and as with all my images, hover over for alt text.
An inventor, yes. Guess what he invented?
Yes, you are surely correct.
Thumb tacks.
Though history would later be rewritten to have some other jackhole named as the creator of the thumbtack, the true credit goes to Edward Cereal.
What a great man.
A miserable little prick who didn't like our surprise party, but a brilliant man nonetheless.
Tune in next week when I update with an update of sorts. Coming up next: something!
12月19日 Pirates of the Burning Sea betaPlayed the open beta for Pirates of the Burning Sea recently.
Melee combat is slow, and ship to ship battles are slow. It's a little bit below the level of pace I enjoy.
Therefore I'm going to have to pass on this one.
It's not a "good idea, poorly executed" or anything. Actually, I'd go so far as to say that the game is pretty well made. Lots of customization for your character (clothes, colors, and etc.).
What'd I make? Oh, I made a pirate called Vigge Fabuloso. He is entirely clad in pink clothing.
Even his hair.
Every time I enter the game, I go to nation chat and say, "Hello, boys! :D".
Yesterday, they got all weirded out on me. But today, they were too busy arguing about how other MMOGs are better.
Take that as you will.
You know, from the first moment I heard about this game, I was kinda looking forward to it.
But after trying out the beta, I guess what little interest I had was destroyed.
I do not enjoy this game, but you might. Give it a try if you're thinking about it.
But I will never play it again.
Have fun, boys! ;D
12月18日 Third study delayThis one is turning out quite well.
There's a problem though -- after sitting here in this chair for so many hours at a time, even with all these one-day breaks in between each study session, I have unfortunately hurt the whole right side of my back.
It's this goddamned chair. I remember when I got it and thought it was so comfortable.
"Yay, leather chair! Totally worth 200 bucks!"
But no, it just doesn't work with the shape of my desk or the position of my monitor and tablet.
I'm often reclining to the extreme in this thing, putting my feet all the way up onto the window sill. I guess I just wish I could draw while laying down.
Someday I'll have a very large flatscreen monitor. Or perhaps a Cintiq.
But for now, I develop back pain from the way I sit. Glory to me!
Bleh.
Whatever though. I'll continue study three when my back stops being a whiny pussy. 12月14日 Studies (second study)Alright, so I've got another.
Would have had it done yesterday, but I lost my internet connection for several hours; didn't even think I'd be able to post it.
Still, I could have done it anyway. I guess I didn't feel like doing it.
When you're as slow and inefficient as I am with artwork related things, it takes a lot more effort to get it done. Hell, even small parts take me forever.
Well, enough about that.
Let's see what we got today.
I did a bikini model, something about Victoria's Secret. The source page I got it from was Russian or sometink.
Anyways, here you have it.
Now your eyes might be drawn to some problem areas. Perhaps that flat and dull looking gut, or.. I don't know.. the FACE.
For your information, I did not do the face because that would take me forever. I'd have to do the mouth and eyes and all that.
Also, the head is a bit too big and I didn't care to fix it.
Not this time, gents.
As for the gut, I had several problems there. It's funny what I notice now that I'm doing this --
Like a single misplaced stroke on the stomach makes it look like something's about to burst out from it.
So after very lightly shading it (flat), I kind of just moved on.
Yeah, yeah. I know there are many problems. No doubt I can note them all.
But you know, even with all the uncorrected mistakes, I still take a lot from this exercise. I even used a few ( small) things I learned from the previous study intuitively.
... I think...
And again, keep in mind that these are just exercises. I'm not aiming for complete accuracy.
I'm not doing this so I can paint still life or whatever -- so just never you mind.
Let' see. I started by attempting the shading under the left arm there.
Just couldn't get it at first. It looked horrid.
So I erased it and moved to the right arm. It took me a while, but eventually I figured out how to get it to look at least partly right.
I then went over to the left arm. Please note the difference in color between the arms; at this point I decided to add just a pinch more red.
It really shows, to me anyway.
Did the legs, then the stomach, the chest, returned to the underarm area, and half-assed the face.
There you have it.
Oh, right. I didn't want to do the bikini either. Minor details I'm not really wanting to do just yet.
I had fun with this one.
Now it's time to scour the net for my next study.
Now please leave before you have an 'accident'.
12月12日 Studies (first study)Following some advice given by several different tutorials now, I've begun to do "studies" wherein I take a photo of something or someone on the internet and digitally paint or sketch it.
The point is to help the student come to an understanding of how lighting and shapes work.
And looking at my comics there and the crap I've drawn in the past (not posted here or anywhere), I definitely need this particular kind of training.
I already feel as though I've learned a little.
I guess.
In any case, I've decided that every time I complete a study (that is, call it quits because the goddamned things take like six hours plus) I will post it here.
Regardless of whether or not it is complete, embarassingly bad (or good...), or whatever.
Note that for the purpose of gaining any skill at all, I will not trace or sample colors from the source image. This forces me to eyeball it and fine tune my sense of shape and color.
I will post the source image and then my completed study.
Enjoy these first few weeks of utter failure until I "get it". :D
..Christ, I hope it doesn't take years like it does for some people...
 I still don't quite understand a few things, but I'll get them someday.
Didn't wanna do the shirt. Even if I were to ignore all the stripes, the folds are really kinda hard to see.
And yes, CocaCo is all I could fit on the damn bottle. I tried to fix it about five times before giving up and moving on to something important.
Next time, I won't waste time on small crap like that.
Eh, but this one was mostly for fun anyway.
Tomorrow, I'll probably do one of some chick in a bikini or some crap.
Or maybe I'll find out who this guy is and get him to wear one.
I BET YOU GUYS WOULD JUST LOVE THAT, HEY??
If you'll excuse me (but even if you won't, eat my ass), I'm gonna go have a nice tall glass of CocaCo.
Kindly escort yourselves out of my blog.
Helpful goddamn site, run by a professional -- http://itchstudios.com/psg/
I imagine this will come in handy too -- http://www.portrait-artist.org/
11月14日 Resident Evil 6 (or so) previewAs you all know, I'm in pretty good with the Capcom International development studio located in New York; it's Capcom Japan's home away from home and all.
This group is simply astonishing, with their work reaching far into the future of many franchises. Various someday-to-be tidbits of Megaman Legends, X, and others. Devil May Cry is going to continue on its crazy ways up until what looked to be the tenth game. Brilliant stuff. But one of my key interests was in the Resident Evil series. I'm quite fond of shooting zombies big and small, so of course I took an opportunity to stop by Capcom International a few weeks ago.
And for your information, my dear readers, I didn't report about it until now because you lot are simply running me ragged on this webcomic deal. Shucks, folks. I'm glad you love it so much, but I'm of a mind to take another long break; my hands hurt after all the work I've put into it lately. Back to the point, I recently had a chance to visit with one of their computers while they were outside waiting for the fire alarm to stop. A short taped interview took place. However, it was damaged in the fire. Anyways, I did manage to swipe some artwork of Resident Evil 6 (or so, I guess) and enough information to write up some informative descriptions of what you are seeing.
Ready? GO. Jake Redfield
 This is the main character, Jake Redfield. He is Chris Redfield's long-lost brother. We don't find this out until the end of the game. Jake is a risk-taking goofball with a serious side when it comes to the ladies. He likes dinner and dancing, and spitting at zombies from the helicopter in that awesome fight scene after the military base. The preceding paragraph contained spoilers. Unnamed main bad guy  The main bad guy is actually never named throughout the game, but there's a few hints dropped that he's actually a clone of Wesker's old friend, Jim. He's a scientist gone bad, and has injected himself with the AxE Virus. Or so he thought. During an interactive cutscene before one of the endings, Jake can replace his viral canister with an aerosol can of Axe body spray. This foils the guy's plans alright, but makes him the hottest man in the world. After the credits, Jake is said to never get laid because all the chicks dig Jim's clone; thus he is never able to have a child of his own. This is known as the bad ending. The Dongdangler
 This is one of the all-new mutants in the game: the dongdangler. As you can see, it has-- Well, moving on.
The Zombie
However...
 One of the common mutants makes an appearance as a boss in this game: the zombie. In previous games, the zombies were simple fodder. In Resident Evil 6 (or so), every zombie you see is as strong and hard to kill as any tyrant in the previous games. Also, when you kill them, they turn into tyrants. The game has an unprecedented level of difficulty. Why, the screenshots alone fill me with such incredible rage and frustration that I've about broken my fist on this desk. Tits  This is the female lead character sidekick ho-bag. There was no name associated with her file other than "Tits". I assume the name is shorthand for a full name like "Tita" or "Titania". But that's just speculation on my part; don't quote me. Very little information given on her other than that she's a failed umbrella test subject, immune to any virus. Actually, I guess that's pretty important information -- but only if you give a damn about the story. I just want to kill zombies, lady. General Hauser
 In some lame-sounding but totally awesome twist, a man calling himself General Hauser appears on the scene mid-game. Stepping out from a great blinding light, he tears open a portal in time and flings Jake into the future, where his evil is law. You must then seek to return to the past and undo the future that is General Hauser. Too bad it's a simple fetch side quest at best. And totally a rip-off of Terminator. That's about all I need to post I guess. There's a lot of storyline, stage, and weapon-related art here I'm sure you guys will easily pass on. I'll just toss it in the fire to get rid of the evidence.
And if anybody starts asking questions, I'm just some psycho who made all this stuff up in Paint. Don't want any trouble. 10月30日 DrawcrapIt has been awhile, hasn't it?
I was participating in this funny thing called a thread back on GamingSteve.com. In this one thread I was in, we were to draw (get this) artwork based on video games.
They call it "fanart". Isn't that just the cat's balls?
By balls, I mean tits.
Knees that is.
Or rather I should say, isn't that the cat's pajamas? I'm getting a few different phrasings mixed here. What a horrible predicament.
Moving on, I drew something.
or
Holy hell. Megaman and XJ-9 versus Inspector Gadget?
In Brawl?
For real?
Nope.
Just in my head.
You see, fanart allows you to combine the use of your imagination and $400 Wacom Intuos3 tablet to create things that do not currently exist in the world.
It's like playing pretend, except you're old enough to know better. Ain't it great?
Like a delicious cake in the distance, my drawing teases you with the prospect of one day eating these characters.
Except not quite. That's not what I meant at all.
You guys just don't GET IT, do you??
I think we're through here. I've got work to do.
I had all this time to complete this drawing, and here I am making a post about it. I should be off in the distance with the cake, teasing you with the prospect of one day eating my ass.
I'm working on a comic.
That is, I haven't even started working on it. I mean I'm working on getting around to working on a comic.
So enjoy the anticipation.
It will be your last.
Unless I have anything to say about it. 10月2日 Who am I be?Hello, my many fans of Danc... uh, Gauphastus of Gauphastus Land's as of yet unnamed webcomic! I'm sure you've been aching, itching, perhaps vomiting, in anticipation of the next installment of my series of web comics. Before we get to that, I want to ask you folks a question -- Where in this 5000-hour MS Paint epic can you find the true visage of the very author you've come to adore?
Got a guess? An inkling? Maybe an office pool as to whom I might reveal as my image? The answer is, of course, none. All these sketches fail to match my own physical appearance.
They're just drawings you goofy twit. What in the hell is your problem? Go sit in the corner. No comic for you today. 9月26日 Thy dungeonmanJust a very brief update for you, before I venture into the ancient catacombs below Emperor Vasotz's palace --
As you all well know, Halo 3 was released yesterday; I'm not a fan of the series or genre, so I won't be partaking.
In other news, I seem to be under attack.
Blah blah something-about-the-comic-I-was-doing-and-how-I'll-totally-get-a-strip-done-sometime-soon blah blah. 7月15日 Increasingly WealthyAs you all know, I'd a wealthy uncle. This is how I acquired a fair portion of my fortune.
I've spent that last few months rebuilding using much of this money, as I do believe I am quite safe to come out of total hiding.
Van Telles and his armies are nowhere to be found, leaving me to assume he has left to pursue other, much wealthier targets. Even if he learns of my survival, he will surely not dare attack me.
Why?
Oh, only because I have encased my entire body in golden armor.
(think Iron Man, only more gold, less iron, more man)
That nitwit is completely in love with gold. At most, he'd merely have me stolen and added to his notoriously lame collection of golden crafts.
The armor though -- it is quite heavy.
Hot too.
And oh lord, how it rides up...
In any case, I'll get that stupid layabout to draw up a comic sometime soon; he claims to be busy painting the corridors as per my whining, but there's no reason he can't multitask. If he needs to be in two places at once, he had damn well better get started crafting a duplicator; I had once read in the paper that a mere six-year old child made one out of a cardboard box, so it can't be all that difficult.
I take too much guff from members of my employ; I believe some spankings are in order.
I've simply got to keep all you fans off my back, lest you get bored and rambunctious. I'll not have a riot on my property.
Not before I've installed attack dog-launchers to my outer walls.
Note to self -- install the launchers and begin sending out housewarming invites.
4月19日 Teletoon mostly blows
 Here are the actual emails exchanged.
Gauphastus to Teletoon via their comments/questions form on their site --
Sent at 12:03 AM on Thursday April 05, 2007
Yeah, I'm back to complain, baby.
Right to the point -- Sons of Butcher is awful.
Tripping The Rift is awful. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is awful. The Ripping Friends is awful. Seriously, what kind of humorless dimwits do you expect your viewers are? These shows have easily completely turned -all- of my buddies off Teletoon; hell, some still refuse to forgive you for Mega Babies.
This vulgar trash is neither well-crafted nor entertaining. Sons of Butcher is a whole lot of cheap and nasty gags with little taste. Tripping the Rift did its best to see that I don't find anything about the show attractive (least of all the characters). Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a mound of weak in-jokes, inane jabbering, and uninteresting plots. I'm not explaining The Ripping Friends. These aren't shows you might want to settle for if there's nothing else on TV at the time.
Hell, I can't say they're even worthy of being left on the background while you do something else. Knock it off.
The response --
Reply received at 4:35:04 PM on Thursday, April 05, 2007
Hello Rod, Thank you for taking the time to write to us. We appreciate hearing from our viewers, whether they write to give us compliments or suggestions for improvement.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. We’re sorry to hear that some of our programming such as Sons of Butcher, The Ripping Friends, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Tripping the Rift are not to your liking; but luckily, cartoons are as varied as our viewers’ tastes. We hope you’ve been able to find at least one or two things about TELETOON that you enjoy. Rest assured that your comments have been shared with our Programming Department.
Sincerely,
JULIE BENOIT
Audience Relations Coordinator, TELETOON Why is this such a problem? Just that if the quality of your station shows more bad than good, I don't think it matters whether or not little ol' me likes one or two (out of like fifty) shows.
I realize it's impossible to please everyone all the time, let alone some of the time, but I suppose that would be due to the slack-assed tools that enjoy or hate this garbage don't care enough to go to your site and make a comment about what they like or dislike.
But I did, you see.
So instead of worrying about these other people, this 'everyone' else, concern yourself only with me!
Doing so will make everything so much simpler. The programming would consist entirely of everything but
Chaotic (made in Flash, undoubtedly going to be whored out like crazy for merchandise)
Kappa Mikey (made in Flash, lame)
What's With Andy (lame)
12 oz Mouse (all around terrible)
Boondocks (racist, wannabe anime)
Family Guy (the same first two seasons over and over again is boring, dumbasses)
The Wrong Coast (lame, very boring)
Totally Spies (hate those chicks, wannabe anime)
Spider Riders (wannabe good anime)
Aqua Teen Hunger Force (uninteresting, humorless)
Tripping The Rift (trite, ugly)
Di-Gata Defenders (uninteresting, ugly, quasi-anime)
Loonatics (oh my Christ)
The Ripping Friends (I am NOT explaining why this show is bad)
Sons of Butcher (made in Flash, lame)
Space Ghost (repeating stock animation clips to have terrible interviews with morons)
Squidbillies (more all around terrible Adult Swim garbage)
Tom Goes To The Mayor (more all around terrible Adult Swim garbage)
Bromwell High (made in Flash, incredibly lame, humorless)
6Teen (made in Flash, lame, very boring)
Carl Squared (made in Flash, boring)
Delilah and Julius (yugh)
Hey Joel (SUCKS)
Stroker and Hoop (haha, enjoy being canceled)
Other than that, the station is okay.
Other than the heaping mountain of complete trash, it's okay.
(this was typed up by <removed>, the guy he mentioned from Fantasy Island. Gauphastus was unavailable to do it himself, as he was watching Casino Royale repeatedly in search of a hidden transmission.)
4月2日 Immediate relocation!Disaster!
Upon returning home from Fantasy Island, I found my house burned to the ground! All my work, my possessions, my Armando... all entirely reduced to ashes!
Only a small area of my sub-basement survived the blaze; I still have a crummy laptop, a working outlet, and a wavering cable line. I might not be able to get this message through, but I will try.
All I know is that this was some sort of attempt on my life. Searching the area, I found several signs of that bastard Van Telles' armies; cannon tracks leading to and from the southern woods, as well as a forgotten fire-spear beside my famous rock formation depicting a small group of wisemen reaching to grasp a pile of rocks.
That fool will surely return when he learns of my return. I must quickly take whatever I and my Fantasy Island guest can carry and find a temporary place to reside.
I will then have to spend the next while planning some sort of counterattack. I was thinking something along the lines of a flaming bag of feces on the doorstep, but I realized that was much too small -- I require a blimp full of feces to place not on his doorstep, but in the very bed in which he sleeps.
Or some such thing. I am distracted by the rising water and cannot concentrate.
Until such a time that I become available for such things, my guest will take over the webcomic duties. Don't you worry about a thing; I'll give him a list of tasks and detailed instructions as to how to act as much like me as possible. You surely won't notice the difference!
But for now, we are off to find a hideout.
..I hope it has a toilet.
Burn in hell, Taco Bell.
3月5日 I hate it, everyone else loves it.I'm not normally one to complain about stuff, as evidenced by my website before I started reading Maddox.
But everywhere I go, no matter what I do, I see people singing praises for a whole whack of complete and utter crap.
Since I see I'm apparently in no hurry to start a thriving community based around my awesome webcomic, here is a list of various stuff that I believe genuinely sucks balls; I'm talking stuff that I think nobody in their right mind should be, as I said before, singing praises for because it would mean enduring sudden and random punishment.
1)Manhunt
A genuine murder simulator you all thought was so good, they're making a sequel on the Wii.
2)Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I never read the books, but I saw the movie. Since I understand the movie is a quality, completely reliable compilation of sorts, I believe I can easily say that all of you guys share the humor level of this garbage.
That is to say that Hitchhiker's Guide is trite, lameassed, and tasteless.
3)Starcraft
Stop your damn yapping about what you did in Starcraft. Nobody cares. There was only one truly interesting instance in that game, and that was when my friend set up some massive defense against an infinite spawn in some campaign. It was hilarious.
Otherwise, the game is boring as hell. Want to destroy your friend's base? Light his house on fire instead of indulging in this antiquated pop.
4)All Korean MMOGs
They are terrible games. Some of the worst grinds you could ever hope for you can get from these games.
That's not to say there aren't bad grinds anywhere (or everywhere) else; I'm just saying that every Korean MMOG is the exact same thing.
5)Fable
You damn fools! There are still a scattered mass of idiots out there that found this game anywhere from satisfactory to excellent.
Why aren't they all dead yet?! Get off your ass and put an end to this!
6)Daft Punk
I'd been forced to listen to this weak music on my friend's car radio several times in the past. I suppose simple repeating lyrical and musical patterns are easier on the mind for some of you who find everything else up until Daft Punk too complicated.
Ooo, they did AMVs! Anything anime related is cool and therefore I should love it!
Oh, that reminds me...
7)Anime
No, I don't dislike all anime of course.
To be specific, pretty much every anime series that has ever been licensed to TV in recent years or ported and bastardized on FoxKids.
Anime is such a terrible curse to any discussion forum; it's like you can suddenly see everyone for the nerds they are.
Seriously, make another Naruto or Bleach avatar. It will only serve to help me compile my list of people I'll be sending Cancer and vehicular homicides to for Christmas.
8)Webcomics
Believe it or don't, I tend to be on the fence about every webcomic out there. My biggest issue is with shifting focus.
Evolution of the drawing style is totally acceptable, but going from an alright comic about games to a huge string of weak crap comics about dating and getting married is just criminal.
I don't care about your characters so much that I need to be constantly getting all this backstory and history.
Seriously, do you want to be entertaining or do you want to chronicle the everyday happenings in the vast world your characters live in? If so, quit out of comics and go write for The Simpsons.
9) ...
I guess that's all I can think of right now.
Just wanted to get that out there. It's not that I care so much about these kinds of things that I write a rant; it's that I wish my forumgoing would be far less polluted with all this stuff.
But oh well.
Since I'm not working on the webcomic at all lately, I suppose I'll take that trip to Fantasy Island. I've been meaning to use this invitation I received in the mail late last year, but I kept putting it off because of all this work I've been doing on the webcomic.
I'll be there for a little while, just to clear my head a little of the constant blogging and drawing I've been doing. It really does get to be a strain after a while.
See you guys soon.
Maybe while I'm there, I'll see about finding a doppleganger of some kind. Let him do all the hard work.
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