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4月19日

Teletoon mostly blows

 

Dear Teletoon, thank you for responding to my comment within only a few hours, but I very much doubt you took my complaints seriously. I'm far from a classy guy; all I want out of my cartoons is a solid delivery of clever or, at the very least, intelligible gags, represented by well-drawn and uniquely stylish animation and artwork. But all I see is a bunch of cheaply-made garbage made in fucking Flash.
And I swear to God, if I see John Callahan's Quads (ie. Pelswick for 'grown ups', aka 'adult children') make yet another cycle through your disgusting wash of shitty cartoons, I'm getting a different cable service entirely.
 
Here are the actual emails exchanged.
Gauphastus to Teletoon via their comments/questions form on their site --
 
Sent at 12:03 AM on Thursday April 05, 2007
Yeah, I'm back to complain, baby.
Right to the point --
 
Sons of Butcher is awful.
Tripping The Rift is awful.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is awful.
The Ripping Friends is awful.
 
Seriously, what kind of humorless dimwits do you expect your viewers are? These shows have easily completely turned -all- of my buddies off Teletoon; hell, some still refuse to forgive you for Mega Babies.
This vulgar trash is neither well-crafted nor entertaining.
Sons of Butcher is a whole lot of cheap and nasty gags with little taste.
Tripping the Rift did its best to see that I don't find anything about the show attractive (least of all the characters).
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a mound of weak in-jokes, inane jabbering, and uninteresting plots.
I'm not explaining The Ripping Friends.
 
These aren't shows you might want to settle for if there's nothing else on TV at the time.
Hell, I can't say they're even worthy of being left on the background while you do something else.
 
Knock it off.
 
 
 
The response --
 Reply received at 4:35:04 PM on Thursday, April 05, 2007

Hello Rod,
Thank you for taking the time to write to us. We appreciate hearing from our viewers, whether they write to give us compliments or suggestions for improvement.
 
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. We’re sorry to hear that some of our programming such as Sons of Butcher, The Ripping Friends, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Tripping the Rift are not to your liking; but luckily, cartoons are as varied as our viewers’ tastes. We hope you’ve been able to find at least one or two things about TELETOON that you enjoy. Rest assured that your comments have been shared with our Programming Department.
Sincerely,
JULIE BENOIT
Audience Relations Coordinator, TELETOON
 
Why is this such a problem? Just that if the quality of your station shows more bad than good, I don't think it matters whether or not little ol' me likes one or two (out of like fifty) shows.
I realize it's impossible to please everyone all the time, let alone some of the time, but I suppose that would be due to the slack-assed tools that enjoy or hate this garbage don't care enough to go to your site and make a comment about what they like or dislike.
 
But I did, you see.
 
So instead of worrying about these other people, this 'everyone' else, concern yourself only with me!
Doing so will make everything so much simpler. The programming would consist entirely of everything but
 
Chaotic (made in Flash, undoubtedly going to be whored out like crazy for merchandise)
Kappa Mikey (made in Flash, lame)
What's With Andy (lame)
12 oz Mouse (all around terrible)
Boondocks (racist, wannabe anime)
Family Guy (the same first two seasons over and over again is boring, dumbasses)
The Wrong Coast (lame, very boring)
Totally Spies (hate those chicks, wannabe anime)
Spider Riders (wannabe good anime)
Aqua Teen Hunger Force (uninteresting, humorless)
Tripping The Rift (trite, ugly)
Di-Gata Defenders (uninteresting, ugly, quasi-anime)
Loonatics (oh my Christ)
The Ripping Friends (I am NOT explaining why this show is bad)
Sons of Butcher (made in Flash, lame)
Space Ghost (repeating stock animation clips to have terrible interviews with morons)
Squidbillies (more all around terrible Adult Swim garbage)
Tom Goes To The Mayor (more all around terrible Adult Swim garbage)
Bromwell High (made in Flash, incredibly lame, humorless)
6Teen (made in Flash, lame, very boring)
Carl Squared (made in Flash, boring)
Delilah and Julius (yugh)
Hey Joel (SUCKS)
Stroker and Hoop (haha, enjoy being canceled)
 
 
Other than that, the station is okay.
 
Other than the heaping mountain of complete trash, it's okay.
 
 
(this was typed up by <removed>, the guy he mentioned from Fantasy Island. Gauphastus was unavailable to do it himself, as he was watching Casino Royale repeatedly in search of a hidden transmission.)